Our Fundamental Right, right??
I've been digging into Radha Agrawal's book, Belong, for all of 10 minutes. You can find it linked on my "Reading List," but it definitely needs to be bumped up to "My Bookshelf," forever. I think I'm actually nodding my head & saying, "yes- yes- yessss" out loud & believing that the words were literally meant for me. At the very least, they're serving as a reminder that belonging is a basic human need - just like water, food & shelter.
*Remember, we've moved a lot & have the blessed adventure of starting over in new communities quite often. I'm figuring it out...
Anyways - as I've been reading through, I've gone back & back again to my Core Values (Adventure, Relationships, Strength, Wellness & Balance) to compare them with how she outlines our Hierarchy of Needs. I found a lot of connections, but was surprised by how many of these "needs" go unmet in different seasons of my life. *PS - checking in with core values is something I do on the reg whenever life feels aloof, a little chaotic, ungrounded...usually those are the symptoms of my very important needs being neglected for superficial, in the moment snap decisions. I'm sure you know what this feels like, too.
Ok, here they are, Radha's Hierarchy of Needs:
At the foundation, we have BASIC HUMAN NEEDS: Food, water, Shelter, Belonging*, Love*, Positive Touch*
then, PHYSICAL & MENTAL WELL-BEING: Physical Health, Consensual Sex*, Job*, Home Security, Presence, Cultivation of Curiosity
followed by PURPOSE: Service Orientation*, Engaging in an activity that benefits humankind (like parenting, or fostering a community)
and at the top, JOY: Playfulness, Creativity, Wonder, Mindfulness
What stands out most to me is that you can't really achieve any of these basic needs without community*. Our culture has become one of "take take take," leaving little room for watering our communities, sharing our gifts, finding our people.
"Belonging is about shared values and responsibility, and the desire to participate in making your community better. It's about taking pride, showing up, and offering your unique gifts to others. You can't belong if you only take." - R.A.
So - where am I going with all of this. You've heard of the "ripple effect," a concept of one small action leading to bigger, more impactful actions down the road. If we can't have our needs met without community, & our culture is too "head down, focused in" to foster what we need, then we need to take small steps each day to "find our tribe," & create a space where we support each other. It's gotta start with awareness. Awareness around what holds us back & what we want. Let's explore.
How can you show up big for your people? Is it uncomfortable? Hell yes, sometimes. We've built some pretty sturdy walls in the name of "independence," "strength," & "I can do it myself..."
What gifts do you have that are begging to be shared? They aren't really gifts if we keep them to ourselves, right?
What beliefs or limits need to take a hike so you can get back to the real deal good stuff of life? I've started my list. I'm ready to get out of my comfort zones, are you? Of course you are :) You've got this. We've got this.
Finding your people takes time. Building a community takes intention. But we've got to start somewhere. We have to go inside ourselves, ask ourselves, "what is it that holds me back from CONNECTING?" Fear? Exhaustion? Perception? Pride? Judgment? Perfectionism? Comparison? I could go on for days...
I know for me, sometimes I decline connection out of fear of not showing up as my best self (or with the cleanest house, or the most behaved kid). But people don't want perfect. We want connection. We want presence.
Can we start to acknowledge when those connection halting ego drive things creep in? I think we can. Can we trade them in, one by one, for something better? HELL YES we can.
Comparison for Inspiration.
Perfectionism for Gratitude.
Judgment for Curiosity.
Want to deep dive into what's holding you back? Draw a circle. Outside the circle, list the things that hold you back, that keep you from connecting. Get real. Be honest. On the inside, list & explore all the ways you want to share your gifts with the world. List all the things you want in a relationship. See them. Feel them. Set them in motion!
Want to connect? I'm just a click away.